To speak up or not to speak up

An incident happened at work recently that really shook me up. At first I was just stunned. I knew I felt terrible but I was still in a brain fog. The next day I woke up and boy was I pissed. How dare they treat me like that, and think that was OK?

I’ve now gone through different stages of wanting to speak up about it and who to speak to, but also juggling that with my fear too. What if it’s not received well? What if they just blow me off?

I realized that this must be a common phenomenon. Being scared to speak up, even though I did nothing wrong.

I wanted to delve into my past and really figure out what was causing all this anxiety and fear. It was all rooted in my childhood.

There was a lot of violence in my childhood and thus a lot of terror. I think I was perpetually terrified, which causes a lot of anxiety. It left me with the conclusion that nobody really cares about you. You feel abandoned and alone.

There is a happy ending to it. I survived and I eventually got out of that environment. But those years still left its marks that still can rear its ugly head.

I realized I need to hold onto remembering — I am not living my childhood anymore. I am not terrified all the time or little and helpless. I actually really like my daily life and environment. I am in charge of My Life now. That was a very triggering event. But it’s all it is. And I can speak up now, if I choose to. I have a voice. Not only that, but people may even want to hear me. I am well-liked and a powerful woman. I ride motorcycles on a racetrack — I can speak up. I can do this.